The Top 5 People Students Say I Look Like

As a teacher, there are some moments in the ebb and flow of a classroom that I really enjoy. The unexpected brilliance of a formerly reluctant participant, an inspired debate of ideas, a riveting session of Cornell note-taking. All, unfortunately, are less likely to happen than another moment: when a student says "you look like __________." And everyone laughs.

Here are the top 5, in reverse order. See if you can figure out what they all have in common.

• Mr. Michael Boraz: Since he shaved his head, I've been hearing a lot of this. I wish he wouldn't have shaved his head.
• Zydrunas Ilgauskas: A 7 foot 3 inch Lithuanian center for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Ilgauskus has overcome foot injuries to become an NBA All-Star and Lebron's best help on the Cavs. What a handsome giant.
  
• Matt Hasselbeck: Have you seen that terribleReebok/Dick's Sporting Goods commercial featuring Hasselbeck, Chad Johnson, Torry Holt, and Stacy Keibler? In the commercial, titled "Reasons" Hasselbeck dances. Only Reebok would produce a low-quality commercial with B sports stars and loop it incessantly. 
• Bruce Willis: He's 20 years older than I am. Yippee-Ki-Yay.
• Jason Statham, "The Transporter": Statham starred in one of my favorite movies, "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels," but you're probably more familiar with his recent work as the Transporter. And he shares my first name, so he wins. 

The Top 5 White American Basketball Players

If you've read (or seen) High Fidelity by Nick Hornby, you recognize the gimmick. The guys at Championship Vinyl sit around and create top-5 lists, mostly about music. I'll be expanding on that concept here, creating my personal top-5's for everything and anything I can come up with.

My first subject is one I've debated amongst friends several times, 

and its always difficult to complete...the definitive top 5 current white American basketball players. Steve Nash is Canadian, Dirk Nowitzki is German, and JJ Redick is Terrible. So who remains?

PG - Kirk Hinrich, Chicago Bulls. I almost put Jason Kidd here, but after an internal debate, I've determined that he

is not, in fact, white, though he did dye his hair blonde one season with the Suns. So, as much as it pains me to put him here, I think the spot has to go to Captain Kirk. A couple of years ago, people were comparing him to a poor man's Nash. Now? I almost picked Steve Blake instead. Yikes.

SG - Kyle Korver, Utah Jazz. Let's all agree right now that if this team were ever actually composed, they would be the worst defensive team ever assembled. Korver couldn't guard any 2's, but he would light teams up from outside, if, you know, Hinrich could ever break someone down off the dribble, or "our" center demanded a double team. Which brings me to...

C - Chris Kaman, LA Clippers. Also in my top 5 ugliest NBA players, along with former teammate Sam Cassell (Team MVP, and a great actor...did you see him in Lord of the Rings?), Shelden Williams, Steve Nash, and Joakim Noah. Google 'em if you don't believe me. Kaman could actually be the best player on this team, which is nearly as scary as his mug.

SF - Mike Miller, Memphis Grizzlies. Mike Miller is nice. He had a bit of a disappointing year after playing so well for Team USA last summer, but he can still be the 2nd best player on this team. Yet, due to the fact he plays in Memphis, he's probably the least known player on this list. Seriously, count how many times you've actually seen him play in an NBA game. Did you make it to five? I didn't.

PF - Kevin Love, UCLA, ????. My surprise selection, the teenaged Love gets the nod over other semi-skilled whitey's like David Lee, Luke Walton, Brent Barry, Mike Dunleavy, Jr., and  Wally Szczerbiak. Lee would get the last spot, but I think Love's ceiling is higher. Plus he throws a great outlet pass, which would key the all-white fast break.

Never mind.